Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize