I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
