I accidentally had phone sex last night
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
