Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You left your phone here
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