im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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