five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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