I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
