She's JV to your varsity
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
