meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
