Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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