Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
