i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
