That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I believe in your delicious
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
