I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
