i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
