my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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