I think I died a long time ago.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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