So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
