i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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