so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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