So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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