she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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