thus making me awesome and them whores
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
