people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
