I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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