i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
