Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
