thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize