Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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