You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
