I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
