since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
