he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I smell stomach acid.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
