he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
honey bunches of taint.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize