i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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