I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
