I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
