When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
