i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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