My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
