piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
