I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
