I must be too annoying 4 u.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
