you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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