we have officially lost it.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
