chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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