Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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