I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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