It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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