yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
