yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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