I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
