Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
