Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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