He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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