i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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