Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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