I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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