final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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