I molested 6 butterflies tonight
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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