your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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