You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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