____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
