I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
