I just made out with a guy for $7.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
