Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
