I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
