Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
