im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
