Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.

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(714): View more from California

i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..

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(512): View more from Texas

apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.

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(330): View more from Ohio

We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?

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(443): View more from Maryland

You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.

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