He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
